He was looking for a book of techniques for one-to-one fighting.

And he was right. He was in the wrong place, because my book does not get into fancy karate moves.

In my experience and research, the vast majority of violent situations can be avoided by following the advice in my book. The suggestions are easy to follow and require no physical strength–a benefit for women who may be frail or disabled.

Nonetheless, I agree that it is good for women to know fighting techniques when they are forced into physical confrontation. But I question how well a book can teach it. It’s not that there aren’t excellent books out there that show all manner of fancy fighting technique–and I can steer you towards some if that is what you want.

But fighting moves have to get into your bones. That is, you have to be so familiar with them that they become second nature. In actual physical confrontation, events move at lightning fast speed. By the time you’ve racked your brain for the next move, the fight is over.

Video is a little better, but what you really need to do if you want to learn fighting techniques is to practice under controlled conditions–in other words, take self defense classes.

In a self defense or a martial arts class, you’ll get the experience of kicking and punching. That can be a novel experience if, like many women, you were brought up to be ‘nice.’ Before enrolling and plunking down your hard-earned money, look to see what the school is teaching.

Elegant moves may be impressive, but if your purpose is defending yourself in a physical altercation, then you want the learning to focus on quick, simple, effective techniques.

Learning fighting techniques is good. But your first strategy for women’s self defense should always be prevention.

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I haven’t been able to confirm whether the following story is true or apocryphal, but it does contain some valuable lessons.

A woman’s pocketbook was stolen. It contained her GPS, cell phone, wallet, credit cards…

When she was finally able to call her husband 20 minutes later to tell him what happened, he told her he had gotten a text message asking about their PIN number to which he had replied. When they rushed to the bank, they were told that the money in their account had already been withdrawn.

Tip: Don’t put your actual address in your “home” setting. Instead use a nearby address, so no one can find your actual home address if your GPS is stolen.

Tip: Don’t disclose the actual relationship of people in your cell phone’s contact list, ie. don’t use names like Homey, Hubby, Mom, Dad, etc.

Tip: If you are texted to meet someone or to forward sensitive information, call them back to confirm that they were the one who actually sent the request. If you can’t reach them, be wary about meeting them at the proposed location.

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In both cases, the people involved are attempting to commit a crime – they want to take something that doesn’t belong to them and/or cause harm in the process.

Because the activities are illegal, the predators want to act quickly, quietly, and, above all, they do not want to get caught. So they will stalk their prey.

In the case of the burglar, he’ll case the property. Perhaps he’ll travel to the block and look around, or these days, he may simply go online and look for someone who has posted pictures of their home and a valid address.

He’ll be looking at several factors. Is the house easy to break into? Is it locked? Secured? Is there shrubbery or other objects to prevent casual passersby from seeing him? Are residents home? Is there an alarm system or a tough looking dog?

Likewise when the prey is a human being, such as a prospective rape or mugging victim, the perp will be looking for things like:

• Is the victim alone or with people?

• Is she alert or preoccupied?

• Are there people nearby who might be likely to help her?

• Is she wearing heels or other clothing that might impeded her ability to run?

• Is she flashing jewelry or otherwise communicating that she has something that he wants.

• Is he likely to be noticed?

You get the idea.

So, what message are you communicating in your appearance and body language that might attract or repel a predator?

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That will depend on your situation. But one tactic you can employ if there are other people around is to make noise.

Attract attention from anyone you can. The first thing he will say to you is “don’t scream or I’ll kill you”. He’s telling you exactly what will ruin his plan. Go ahead, ruin his plan — create a disturbance, scream, throw things, blow the horn.

If you think you should yell “fire” go right ahead. You can’t count on others coming to your aid, but you want to appeal to his fear of getting caught and make him think that someone could hear you and be coming.

I also like singing.  That’s right – sing.  Sing anything and sing it at the top of your lungs.  We especially like “The Star Spangled Banner” because if people see or hear you in the middle of a street singing the national anthem, they’ll look around to see who is crazy enough to be doing that.  Plus, your attacker will not want this type of attention and he will most likely flee at the earliest possible moment.

And a last tactic is to single out a passerby and shout something along the lines of “Hey you, in the blue shirt, call 911.” This will break through the passivity many people feel when they are not directly involved in a situation.

The tactic of making noise is an effective self defense technique and will get you and your attacker noticed.

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It is really fun to dress up with fun jewelry and gorgeous shoes, but they make you easy prey.

Conspicuous jewelry and clothing brings attention to you and opens yourself up to an attack if you flaunt it while walking down the street.  If you are wearing expensive jewelry, take measures to cover it up.  Flashing a huge diamond or expensive earrings is just an invitation for a robber to mug you and take that jewelry.

It’s a drag that so much fashionable women’s attire makes you a sitting duck for a mugger or other street criminal. Stilettos flatter, but they also make it hard for you to run. Same with tight skirts.

This self defense tip alone can prevent a lot of trouble.

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Do not act like an easy target.  Walk with confidence and purpose.  If an attacker sees you walking like you have no particular place to go, they are more likely to tag you as easy prey.

If a stranger approaches you, maintain eye contact with them as you keep on walking.  Most fights are won before they start.  Many aggressors will back down if you convey the message that they do not intimidate you.

Many crimes are prevented by such simple techniques that do not require physical strength or years of study of self defense.

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Another is to put distance between the two of you.

Keep a barrier between you and the bad guy. Use a barrier to block him or use distance to gain time. Keep your doors locked, and stay in your car. Force him to get through a barrier before he can get to you.

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A predator or would-be criminal will stop and look around for witnesses. They will often make several passes by the prey in a sort of ‘dry run,’ seeing if the victim will react or to get a sense of how the attack might work.  Pay attention! Who is looking at you? Has the same person or car passed by you twice? Does someone appear to be moving with you?

Sometimes your intuition will pick up on it before you do unconsciously. So pay attention if you have a ‘funny’ feeling about walking down a certain block or turning a corner.

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The first rule in self-defense is to not put yourself into a situation that would put you in danger. And the easiest way to do that is to stay aware of people in your surroundings.

Not surprisingly, criminals exhibit predatory behavior in preparing to attack. They will try to pick a casual location to look for their prey. They will look at with their intended victim far more and for longer periods of time than social norms. They will move when the prey moves.

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